Grandparents handling your daughter vs handling your daughter-in-law after the new arrival can be very difficult if things are not handled very gently. Don’t get me wrong some mother in law’s and daughter in laws have relationships as if they were mother and daughter. Then there’s the other side of that coin, where they just don’t get along. Everyone raises their children differently and no one can tell your child who to fall in love with. We must remember when our children say I do, they’re saying I do to the person across from them and the remainder of the family. All other family members must get in where they fit in. Don’t wear your feelings on your shoulders, it takes time to blend two completely different families. Be patient and be kind to each other. Any feelings you may have towards your daughter-in-law keep it to yourself until you both can work it out like adults. Now is not the time. Besides, the babies did not ask for any drama they are innocent bystanders. Blending families works well when both families communicate and set boundaries early on.
Now will this work for every situation, I can’t promise you it will. We as parents must remember children come into this world innocent little angels and it’s not for parents to taint their view or put restrictions on them from knowing the other side of their family. However, if they are wanted by the FBI or aliens from another planet by all means put some restrictions in place. When you have your grandchild, you will soon realize that’s it’s all about making memories with them and that’s it. I can tell you from past experiences, I’ve seen the hurt grandparent in law when they are unable to visit their grandchildren. Nobody is perfect and it is not up to the parents to pass judgment. One day your children will be grandparents and they will see the need to share the love of that innocent little person. Don’t ever stop trying to keep the doors of communication open, but don’t try so hard that you scar your heart to the point of depression, I’ve seen this happen before. Remember you can’t make someone change their mind about you, continue to try to communicate and remember just be the parent.